As I’m sure you already know, figuring out how to get over a break up is hard.
Losing someone you love is one of most painful experiences you’ll ever have to go through. The only thing more traumatic than dealing with the pain after a break up is grieving the death of a loved one.
In fact, these two experiences are actually remarkably similar if you examine them closely. When you’re grieving the loss of a loved one due to a break up, you’re actually experiencing many of the same emotions that people feel when they’re grieving the death of a loved one.
And much like grieving the loss of a loved, getting over a break up is a process, a really painful one at that. Unfortunately there’s no magic pill that’ll instantly make the pain go away. However, in this article I’m going to share 5 tips for how to get over a break up that’ll speed up the recovery process and make getting over your ex a lot easier.
5 Tips on How to Get Over a Break Up
1. Accept that it’s Over
Accepting that your relationship is over is the very first step in getting over break up. If you want to move on with your life, you need to accept what happened first. You guys broke up, it’s over. Let the reality of the situation sink in. I know it’s a lot to take in all at once and it may take you a while to accept the loss and truly come to terms with it.
You’ll probably spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get your ex back and you might harbor secret fantasies of you two getting back together. And while it’s nice to entertain the thought that your ex is just going to wake up one day and crawling back to you, it’s probably not going to happen. I know there’s tons of guides out there on “how to get your ex back” that promise you some kind of magic “secret” that’ll make them come crawling back to you in 24 hours. Well, I hate to break the bad news to you but they’re selling you false hope.
Remember that People Break Up for a Reason
There were problems in your relationship and those problems are what made your ex want to leave. These problems are REAL. Using some kind of manipulative technique that preys on their insecurities may help you get them back, but it’s not going to help you keep them because all those problems are still there.
The problem with all the advice out there on how to get your ex back is that it’s a quick-fix solution that doesn’t address the real problems at hand. It’s kind of like using a band aid to treat a stab-wound; sure, it might cover up the bleeding temporarily but it’s not going to last for very long. Eventually, it’s going to get weak and all the blood is going to start gushing out.
Well, this applies to relationships too. See, getting your ex back doesn’t actually deal with the heart of the problem, it simply covers it up temporarily. And unfortunately, it’s only a matter of time before all those problems come up again and you guys break up.
I’ve learned this lesson the hard way after breaking up and getting back together time and time again thinking I can make the relationship work only to watch it all fall apart, again and again. I recommend that you save yourself from this exhausting process and just accept the inevitable: what’s done is done. Their chapter in your life is over and now it’s time for you to move on and write the next chapter of your life.
2. Distance Yourself
Well, unfortunately you can’t write the next chapter of your life when you’re still immersed in it. So the first thing you should do is CUT ALL CONTACT with your ex. The reason for this is actually quite simple. As you can imagine, it’s going to be pretty hard to come to terms with the break up and accept that your ex is no longer a part of your life when they’re still in it, right?
I know it may sound like I’m overstating the obvious here but you cannot truly accept that they’re no longer a part of your life until you actually remove them from it.
I know it’s tempting to want to stay friends after the break up but unfortunately staying friends with your ex will only prolong all the pain you’re feeling. Maybe one day you guys can be friends again but now is not the time. When your heart is still freshly wounded, seeing or talking to your ex will only make things worse. I’m sure you’ve heard people say that love is like a drug. Well, you have to start viewing any type of interaction with your ex like an addiction – the more you give into it, the harder it is to break it.
3. Grieve the Loss
After a break up, you will certainly experience a lot of different emotions like sadness, loneliness, anger, fear, confusion, uncertainty, shame, and jealousy. These feelings may also manifest physically for you in the form of crying and feeling heartbroken.
Don’t deny any of the emotions that come up for you and don’t judge them as “bad” or “negative.” It’s perfectly normal to experience all of these emotions after a break up. In fact, these emotions are not only healthy, but they’re important for you to feel in order to remain healthy. I know it probably doesn’t seem like that now because it’s what’s causing you to feel miserable; however, giving yourself time to grieve the loss is an important part of getting over a break up.
Remember that grieving the loss is a process. It doesn’t happen all at once and it can take some time for you to truly come to terms with the break up. At first, you may have trouble eating and sleeping and you might find yourself losing interest in all the activities you used to enjoy. You’ll probably be thinking about your ex all the time and you may even have dreams about them. But by having the courage to experience the pain and sadness now, you are allowing yourself to work through it so you can finally come to terms with it. This will make letting go of the relationship and moving on with your life a lot easier.
Many people try to skip the grieving process by suppressing their feelings. And while this may make it easier for you to cope day-to-day, it actually hurts you more in the long run. A lot of people try to brush it off and pretend like everything’s fine but they actually end up prolonging their pain by bottling it all up inside and burying it. I know it’s uncomfortable to confront all these tough emotions but the sooner you face it and embrace it, the sooner you’ll be able to get over the break up and move on with your life.
4. Focus on Yourself
In the beginning, you’ll probably spend a lot of time thinking about your ex and talking about what happened. This is perfectly normal. Sometimes you just need to get everything off your chest. And while talking about the break up can be good for you initially, there’s a point where you need to shift the focus back on yourself. Begin a journey of self-discovery and start exploring questions like “who am I now?” and “where do I go from here?
Use Losing Your Ex as an Opportunity to Find Yourself
Take the time to get to know yourself and find out what makes youhappy. A lot of times when people get into relationships, they tend to put the other person before themselves and they make their life revolve around them. Well now that they’re gone, it’s time to focus on what makes you happy again. Acknowledge your needs, wants and desires and do the things you love.
Focus on Finding Your Happiness from Within
Cultivate a sense of inner contentment that can never be taken from you. That way no matter what happens, you always know that you have a deep well of joy inside you.
Start doing things you used to enjoy but didn’t have time for. If you loved to paint or draw or dance before your relationship but gave it up because the relationship took up too much of your time, now is a great time to go back to doing those things. Now would also be a great time to explore new interests or do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Start working out regularly again, pick up a new sport, read a good book, learn to play an instrument, volunteer somewhere, go skydiving. Embrace your freedom and pursue your interests. Follow your heart and chase after your dreams . Try to stay positive and take good care of yourself. Splurge a little on things you may have deprived yourself of in the past.
5. Learn from the Experience
An important part of getting over a break up is learning from your experience, which includes both the break up and your relationship with your ex. While it’s tempting to play the blame game after a break up, it won’t actually help you get over the break up. So instead of pointing the finger at your ex, turn inwards to see how your behavior may have contributed to the break up and take responsibility for your part in the relationship.
Put your own stuff aside for a moment and challenge yourself to see things from their perspective. Make a genuine effort to understand why they were unhappy and what made them want to leave.
Look for all the valuable lessons you can learn and focus on how you could use the experience to grow and become a better person.
Remember that everything in life – good or bad – is a learning experience. Well, breaking up is no exception. Reflect on your relationship objectively and see it from a detachedpoint of view. Look at what was great about the relationship, what wasn’t so great and what led to the break up. Writing it down can help you get clarity on it. Make sure you use what you learned from this experience to be more self-aware in the future so that your next relationship is even better!
If you’re feeling confused or frustrated about something that happened between you and your ex, click below to get my advice on how to get over a break up based on your situation
I was browsing around the internet today and found a review that someone wrote about
The Breakup Bible
I decided to post it up on my blog so that you can see what others had to say about it.
If you’re reading this right now, you and your ex probably broke up and you’re sick of thinking about them all the time. You want to get over them and get them out of your head once and for all. Unfortunately, it’s not easy to heal a broken heart and get back to feeling like yourself again.
I know because I went through a bad break up 2 months ago too and I was really heartbroken. I started searching online for advice on how to get over a break up and I stumbled across a lot of different articles, books and videos. Some of the stuff I found was really helpful and other stuff was just total crap. So I took bits and pieces here and there and tried everything I could to get rid of the pain I was feeling.
Then one day I stumbled across a book called The Breakup Bible. I was a little skeptical at first because I saw a ton of eBooks promising to help me get my ex back and I actually bought a couple and they didn’t work for me so I didn’t want to waste my money again. But I was having a really hard time with the break up so I decided to put my skepticism aside and check it out.
I watched some of the videos that the author uploaded on youtube and I signed up to download a free chapter from his book. And I have to say, I was totally blown away. Everything he said in the book was spot-on and it felt like he was talking directly to me. It really gave me some perspective on what I was going through. The level of insight that I had after reading the first chapter of the book was so incredible that I decided to go ahead and buy the full book.
Will this book actually help me get over my ex?
Perhaps you’re wondering if The Breakup Bible will actually help you move on with your life. While I can’t say for sure that this book will help you, it was incredibly helpful for me.
However, I want to make it clear that this book is not for someone looking for a “magic pill” to take their pain away. There is no quick and easy “push-button” fix for getting over a break up. You’re going to have to face this part of your life and confront some not-so-pretty things if you really want to get over it and get back to normal again. Ultimately, you’re the one responsible for healing your broken heart but this book will show you the fastest way to do that.
Who’s the author and why should
I believe that he can help me?
The Breakup Bible is written by a guy named Kevin Kurgansky. Kevin is a certified coach with The Life Coach Institute and he also has his own private practice as a break-up coach. He runs a popular website on how to get over a break up and he’s also created an amazing video program called The Breakthrough Breakup Method.
He writes the book from his own personal experience and shares a lot of really important lessons that he learned after going through several breakups of his own. I’m really glad he wrote the book from his experience and actually shared how he dealt with the whole recovery process. It made it a really quick and interesting read because I felt like he was talking directly to me and I wasn’t just reading a boring instructional guide. This was really helpful because it made me realize that I was not the only one who’s ever gone through something like this. Plus, it gave me hope that things would get better. I would read certain sections from the book over and over again anytime I was having a rough day and it gave me the strength to go on and keep fighting.
What I liked most about Kevin’s book is that he doesn’t let you waste any time wallowing in self pity. Instead, he gives you the tools to take control of your life so you don’t spend any more time obsessing about your relationship than you already have. One of the biggest things I learned was that I cannot rely on time to make things better. Everyone says that time heals all wounds but I realized that there’s really no sense in being miserable any longer than I have to. It’s up to me to heal myself and Kevin has given me everything I need to get over it as fast as possible.
Is this book really worth getting?
The Breakup Bible really is a guide on how to move on with your life after a break up. Kevin gives you many different ways to deal with the pain after a break up and he shares a ton of different strategies and techniques to help you stop thinking about your ex. That means that you’ll actually have to do some work if you really want to get over your ex but it does work. Healing a broken heart is not easy but with this proven approach, you’ll be able to move on with your life and get back to your normal self in no time.
Kevin takes you by the hand and takes you through the entire recovery process step-by-step in his book. He even gives you his personal email address at the end of the book so you can write in with any questions you may have after reading it. I actually emailed him when I was feeling confused and frustrated about something with my ex and he responded within a couple of days.
The final verdict…
If you’re going through a break up, I highly recommend downloading a copy of The Breakup Bible.I honestly can’t even put to words how glad I am that I found this book. Kevin was truly a god-send to me. When I was searching for advice online, his stuff was by far the best advice I found. His free articles and videos were so helpful on their own that I had absolutely no hesitation about buying the book. Plus, it came with a 100% money-back guarantee so I knew that I could always get my money back if it didn’t help.
Like I said earlier, I honestly can’t even describe how grateful I am that I found this book and I just wanted to share my experience in hopes that I could maybe inspire one more person to go ahead and give it a shot. Hopefully reading my review has encouraged you to check it out.
To download The Breakup Bible, just click the link below.
If you’re trying to figure out how to get over a broken heart then you’re probably going through a pretty awful time right now. Your relationship is over, you feel heartbroken and you want something to make the pain go away. I understand what you’re going through and I know just how bad it feels so I decided to write an article and record a video that share 5 key tips for healing a broken heart.
5 Tips for How to Get Over a Broken Heart
1) Remember that Healing a Broken Heart is a Process
Getting over a break up is a painful process and getting angry, frustrated and confused is all part of that process. So is crying, feeling sad, and having trouble sleeping. You may even find yourself having dreams about your ex and losing interest in activities that would normally excite you. If any of this has been happening to you, rest assured that everything is fine. In fact, all of these things are perfectly normal after a break up. Yes, even dreaming about your ex. This is simply your unconscious mind trying to process the loss and work through it on its own.
In fact, you can actually speed up the recovery process by allowing all of these feelings to come up and work through them as they do. I know it’s not very comfortable but acknowledging the pain you’re in and working through it is one of the most important steps in healing a broken heart. So give yourself some time to grieve the loss. It’s okay to feel down and not know how it will all work out. Give yourself the permission to not know for now and trust that these experiences will reveal their true value to you down the line. For now, just be where you are and be at peace with that.
2) Realize that Not All Relationships Are Meant to Last
Most relationships end and the majority of people who date are bound to break up.
I know that may sound like a very negative and cynical view of relationships but that’s just the reality of life. Just look around you, I surely don’t need to tell you how high the divorce rate is.
Now, I’m not trying to discourage you from being in a relationship or getting married; all I’m saying is that most people simply do not belong together and it’s only a matter of time before they realize it and break up. This is an inevitable part of the dating process and if you’re able to accept it as just a natural part of dating, you will have a much easier time getting over a break up.
Once you accept that throughout your life you’ll be in a few relationships that don’t work out, you can stop blaming yourself for what you might see as a “failure.” See, what we’re often so quick to write off as a “failed relationship” is actually a valuable life lesson if we stop to actually reflect on the relationship and learn from it.
3) Reflect on the Relationship and Learn from it
As we date around, we learn more about ourselves and how we interact with others. But even more importantly, we get a better sense of what we really want in a relationship and what we’re absolutely not willing to tolerate.
So rather than writing this off as just another failed relationship, reflect on what happened and learn from it. If you’re able to gain a greater sense of self-awareness from this relationship and move on with your life with a much better idea of what you really want, then this relationship was a success in its own right. Sure, it may not be a success in the traditional sense – a marriage in which two people went on to live happily ever after – but it’s still a success because it taught you some very important lessons about yourself, relationships, and life in general. Once you’re able to see these things, you can be grateful for what you learned rather than feeling bad about went wrong.
“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” ~ Charles Jones
So use this is an opportunity to become the person you deserve to be. Chances are you were tolerating things that you shouldn’t have been tolerating in your relationship. Well, now you don’t have to tolerate it anymore. You’re free. All the stress and drama that your relationship was causing you has been lifted. You now have a fresh bundle of clay and you’re free to mold it any way you want.
4. Rediscover who you are without this relationship
Relationships have a way of affecting us on a very deep level, especially when we really love someone. In fact, sometimes they can even make us lose a part of ourselves. Well now’s the time to remember who you are again.
Start by making a list of the things you want to accomplish in life to remind yourself of where you want to go. What interests do you have that you have ignored for a long time?What things have you not done for yourself that you would like to doagain? Getting to know you and what youwant for your future is crucial to getting over a breakup or divorce.
5. Use this time to create the life of your dreams
Once you start working towards your dreams again, you may realize how much you’ve lost by being in a codependent relationship. You’ve probably forgotten how much you like making music, playing sports, or working out. If you’ve lost your job because of your relationship or your hours have gotten cut back, consider starting fresh and finding a career that truly inspires and fulfills you.
Find what truly makes you happy and do what you love. That way, you can still be happy with yourself even if one particular relationship doesn’t work out. Remember that nothing should have the power to take over your life and affect you like this. Rediscover your inner strength and build yourself back up stronger than ever so that you never find yourself feeling so weak and helpless ever again.
Even though everyone’s journey of getting over a break up is different, these 5 steps should be at the cornerstone of every break up recovery plan.
If you’re feeling confused or frustrated about something that happened between you and your ex, click below to get myadvice on how to get over a broken heart based on your specific situation
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