Getting over a break up is always hard, but figuring out how to get over your first love is the hardest. That’s because it’s not just any old break up, it’s a break up with the person who first showed you what it means to love.
You spent almost every day together and you had a lot of great times with one another. Everything was amazing and you just couldn’t get enough of each other. You felt like you finally found “the one.”
You probably thought you were going to spend the rest of your lives together and you may have even made plans for the future. This is all very normal, and actually quite typical, when you fall in love for the first time.
“The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end” – Benjamin Disraeli
But now that it ended, you feel devastated and heartbroken. You may be worried that you’ll never find someone again or that you’ll never be as happy with somebody else. After all, this is the first time you’ve ever felt this way, and it’s not easy to believe that you could ever feel the same way about somebody else. But you can, and if you follow the 5 simple tips below, you will.
5 Tips on How to Get Over Your First Love
1) Don’t try to get your ex back
You have to let go of the hope that you and your ex will get back together. This might be really hard because you’re still in love with them, and probably will be for a while after the break up. You may feel the urge to try to get them back or tell them that you love them.
However, you have to realize that sometimes love alone is not enough to make a relationship work. You have to remember that you guys broke up for a reason, even if you can’t really understand that reason right now. If you do, it would be helpful to recall why you broke up, what you hated about your ex or what you guys could never agree on. After a break up, we tend to remember all the things we loved about our ex and all the happy memories we had together. Recalling all the bad things about your ex and your relationship will help you “fall out of love” with them.
2) Cut off ALL communication with your ex
I know this may seem a little extreme at first but it’s the only thing that works. You simply cannot get over your ex and truly move on with your life if you guys are still friends. You have to cut all contact with your ex while you attempt to get over each other. I know it’s really hard because you feel like you’re losing your best friend and one of the only people who ever truly understood you. At first, it’s going to be tough to resist the urge to contact them but it’ll get easier and easier over time.
3) Don’t assume that you’ll never find love again
Remember that just because the relationship is over doesn’t mean that you’ll never find love again. I often hear people say things like, “there’s no way I’ll find anyone as good as my ex, they were perfect, I can’t imagine loving someone else as much as I loved them”
After having several relationships and looking back on them, I realize that some were better than others. However, it’s not really about someone being better than someone else. Every person was unique, and thanks to them, I grew into a different person. In fact, after every relationship I actually grew to want and appreciate different things.
So don’t be naïve and think that you’ll never love anyone as much as your first love. Most people fall in the love for the first time during their teens and early 20’s. You still have most of your life ahead of you to love and be loved.
You may not realize this now but as you mature and grow, so does your capacity to love. So be grateful for your first love and know that this was a very valuable experience for you. It taught you what it means to be in love and it built your capacity to love. So when you meet the love of your life, you’re going to have an even deeper connection and a much richer relationship.
4) Focus on becoming a better person
Use the break up as an opportunity to grow and become a better person. No relationship is ever a mistake if you can get something out of it, like learning something new about yourself.
You might have learned that you’re a very stubborn person. This could be a good opportunity for you to change yourself for the better, so you don’t end up recreating all the same problems in your future relationship. You might have learned that you’re a very jealous lover. Now would be a good time to deal with your insecurities so you don’t end up getting jealous in all your future relationships and creating a whole lot of unnecessary stress and drama.
5) Don’t be afraid to love again
Just because your first love didn’t work out doesn’t mean that it’ll never work out. Remember that every person is different. And every relationship dynamic will play out differently with different people, for better or worse. Every person we meet is unique and we love each person differently.
A lot of people get into another relationship really quick in attempt to fill the empty void they feel after a break up. And while it’s unhealthy to jump into another relationship for the wrong reasons, it’s equally unhealthy to avoid relationships altogether. I’m sure you’ve heard someone say, “I just don’t want to be hurt again?”
But being open to relationships isn’t just about opening yourself up to getting hurt again, it’s also about opening yourself up to love again. After all, past relationships aren’t just about the bad things that happened – lots of good things come out of them too.
But to love, and to experience all the good things that love brings, one must take a risk, for risk is an inevitable part of love. It is a risk that I am willing to take because I love to love. I love to get to know people. I love to share things with others and learn more about them. I love to grow and see things from a new perspective. I love having that special connection and I love experiencing that deep feeling of intimacy with the person you love. This is what makes the risk worthwhile for me.
What is it about falling in love that makes the risk worth it for you?
Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below!
If you’re feeling confused or frustrated about something that happened between you and your ex, click below to get my advice on how to get over your first love based on your specific situation